her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
