This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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