just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
