a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
