so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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