I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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