I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
