But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
