my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
