Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
