my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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