God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize