So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
