Can i not drive my cunt home
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
