I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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