Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i came on her dog
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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