You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
whose ass print is on the piano?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
