what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she told me i tasted like america
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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