There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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