Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
don't judge my taste in strippers
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
