So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
