Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
