Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need a beard to bite.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
