looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
