the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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