The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
