She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I want a musical about memes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
