can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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