the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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