Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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