God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
