I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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