I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
