where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
