one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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