Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
