sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
