i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
