I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
