PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
