Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
