The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
