I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
