Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
