So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
