i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
