I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So squirting runs in the family.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
