Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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