bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
