Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
