he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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