girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
