Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
