Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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