the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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