I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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