glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
