Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm both gender and math confused
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
