I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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