i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
