I faked an abortion last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize