All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
