Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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