yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
