it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
