i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
