I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
