Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
