Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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