Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize