Your tits are I can't wait for
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My bed smells like the plague
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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