His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
