Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
