Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
