Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
