She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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